Late-night hosts focus on three elements of the Ukraine scandal: Bill Barr, Rudy Giuliani and Trumps theory of inverse validity
On Tuesday night, Jimmy Kimmel paused to refocus the facts amid the White Houses blitz of denial over the snowballing Ukraine scandal. The president and his minions have been telling everyone who will listen that the allegations that have now evolved into an impeachment inquiry are based on hearsay, Kimmel said, but thats not the case. He pointed to a statement released on Tuesday by the inspector general of the intelligence community (IGIC) an official appointed by Trump which debunked several of the presidents claims.
First, the inspector General confirmed that the whistleblower who filed the complaint about Trumps call with Ukraine, which prompted House Democrats to launch an official impeachment inquiry last week, offered direct knowledge, not second- or third-hand, as the president has said. The inspector general also determined that the complaint was both urgent and that it appeared credible.
Basically, the IGIC gave the president an F you, Kimmel explained. In a normal situation, he continued, this would end the claims of hearsay. But this case clearly calls for applying what Kimmel called the fundamental theory on which the Trump presidency is based: the theory of inverse validity, which states that things that are true are false.
Under this theory, for example, you dont have to worry about climate change We could just say it isnt happening and the weather is fine.
Furthermore, the theory of inverse validity states that things that are false are true, which means if, say, you need your inauguration crowd to be bigger than it was, or a hurricane to hit Alabama, or to not have paid off a porn star you definitely paid off, Kimmel said, just do what Trump does. Just flip it on its head.
On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah focused on Trumps personal lawyer and frequent cable news guest Rudy Giuliani, one of the key figures in the whistleblower complaint. The Ukraine scandal may also take down Rudy Giuliani. Noah said, but the question is: has Rudy Giuliani done enough to also be impeached?
To find out, Noah held a faux trial, white wig and all, on his mock court show Judge Mental. The first charge he heard was meddling in foreign affairs; given that Giuliani was mentioned in the whistleblowers complaint 30 times and was the person directed by Trump to work with the Ukrainian president, Volodymyr Zelenskiy, Noah reached an easy conclusion. Yes, it appears Rudy Giuliani was the anus of this entire operation everything passed through him and it stinks to high heaven.
Thirty mentions in the complaint is 29 times too many, Noah continued. I mean, you know youre in trouble if you control-F your name in a whistleblowers report and the screen lights up like a motel bed under a black light.
As for personal conduct, Giulianis recent appearances on cable news in which he claimed to show texts on his iPad from the state department, thus implicating them in the Ukraine scandal, and contradicted himself in a viral CNN appearance werent helping his case. It says a lot when youre the most unhinged person on Fox News, said Noah.
Given the evidence, Noahs court reached a swift verdict: On the charges of interfering in foreign affairs, acting as the presidents personal thug, and just being an overall hot mess in breach of the Hot Mess Act of 1834, this court finds you, Rudolph William Dracula Giuliani, guilty!
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert dove into the latest chapter of the ongoing saga of Don and the Giant Impeach. This Ukraine scandal is moving faster than a chalupa through a goose, Colbert said as he pivoted focus to Trumps inner circle of advisers.
First up, Colbert said, is the attorney general, Bill Barr, who is investigating what many view as conspiracy theories about the origins of the Mueller investigation in 2016. Barr recently sought help and encouragement in his investigations from British and Italian government officials.
Bill Barr is traveling the world trying to prove that all of Trumps conspiracy theories are true. Hes going to find Obamas birth certificate. Hes going to rescue all the people that aliens abducted from Trumps inauguration crowd, and finally bring help to hurricane-ravaged Alabama, joked Colbert.
The next domino about to fall, Colbert said, is the secretary of state, Mike Pompeo, who took part in the Trump-Zelenskiy phone call. He was on the line, even though he was asked about it two weeks ago and he played dumb. I mean, like, I-think-people-someday-will-forget-I-was-a-willing-part-of-this-administration dumb.
Colbert mimicked Pompeos stumbling appearance on ABC this week, in which he stuttered through a non-answer on whether he had read the whistleblower complaint. Well you just gave me a report Colbert said. Oh, this elevator is going down.